If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
