So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
it's like iHOP with fire
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
