wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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