I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
