Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
