Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
