Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
