I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize