I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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