I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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