so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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