Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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