saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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