I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
