If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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