I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
