sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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