super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize