Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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