remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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