I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
