girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize