He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
