C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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