Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
