I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
