he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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