So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize