I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
