I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
