I must be too annoying 4 u.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
