ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
