So drunk its hurt
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
