what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize