the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
