i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you traded sex for a burrito?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
