using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We are all done wearing pants today
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
