this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
