I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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