Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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