Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize