i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
