Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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