How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Please, let me fuck your mom
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
