I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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