I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
