The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
