is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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