i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
