i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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