Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
