Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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