Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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