I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
