This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Floor bacon is actually really good
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
