also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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