Already got asked if we're dating
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
