sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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