How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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