You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize