Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
