I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
