1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
