cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i love accidental penises.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
