is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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