i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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