Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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