O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
